The Gunners let slip a two-goal lead versus their bitter North London rivals to lose 3-2 at Emirates Stadium.
Had Arsenal maintained their advantage and seen out the match then Wenger's side would now be top of the standings by a point.
But they have slipped to third, and Wenger has conceded his side's slump - their third home loss of the campaign - was 'difficult to swallow'
"Three home defeats are three too many," said the Frenchman.
"The first two games we didn't deliver a performance and you can only say that we got what we deserved.
"However, today we delivered the performance.
"What is worrying for me is that we had an opportunity to go top of the league and when you have to deliver, we can't. That's worrying because that's part of our job.
"We put ourselves in the right position and we failed, so we have to accept that. That is mental more than football.
"Today we were always in a position where we could have won the game, and that is difficult to swallow."
He continued: "If you look at the stats and the numbers, it is very difficult to understand how we lost this game - a drop in concentration, some basic errors, some bad luck as well.
"You are a bit speechless to re-analyse the game. It is a mystery how you can lose a game like that.
"If you look at the clear-cut chances that Tottenham had today, it is difficult to understand how we can concede three goals, but we lost it and we can only look at ourselves.
"We could not maintain the focus nor the urgency for 90 minutes because some players dropped.
"I believe that overall we delivered a performance expected in a game like that quality-wise.
"However, it was a mixture of fatigue in the second half, and also a lack of cautiousness."
Wenger remains hopeful his side can still win the title but admits this type of failure could come back to haunt them.
He said: "There are 10 teams who can win the championship mathematically. Tottenham is one of them.
"I am convinced we are in it, but there are chances in the championship you want to take."
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